Ola stood up and left for the living room. Typical! It wasn’t that he was mean or callous. He was the most beautiful soul I had ever met. He was calm, caring, sane…exquisitely awesome. He just was not very good with words and he hated being part of any sort of argument. He would rather sweep things under the carpet or remain mute than foster a fight. I knew that when he said “let’s go with the flow” he meant to say that I should stop trying to control things and let them go their natural course….but I just couldn’t get Toke Makinwa’s “Men who want to go with the flow” video conclusion out off my head. It was easier to believe he was out to play me. The baggage from my ex wouldn’t let me listen to the part of me that already understood and loved Ola. It wouldn’t let me trust him. Ola slept in the living room that night, alone! I thought he would leave the next morning, but he stayed for the rest of the weekend. It was the worst weekend ever. His reactions were almost always bland.
Two days after he left, I called him. “Ola, what is it? Are we okay?” I asked. “Yes, I guess” He replied. “You guess?” I ask a bit confused. “Yeah. Aside from the fact that I have had time to think about our relationship, we are good.” His voice was shaky, he sounded tense. “Think about our relationship? How?” I replied slowly… Relationship? What was he talking about? He just told me there was no relationship a few days ago…
“Isi, I have considered our relationship, it is neither going forward or backward. I think we should go back to being just friends.” The words ‘just friends’ hit me like ice. It was the same ungovernable feeling that came to me when I was told my Dad had passed. Bile flooded my throat.
“Neither going forward nor going backwards? How? Why do you think so?” I hear myself say; surprised I could still talk considering how dry my mouth had gone. “It’s been months and it’s always the same. Last week when I came, I was a bit unsure…but the events of the weekend assured me that being just friends was the best step.” I am shocked into silence. “Truth is…” He continues “I like you a lot; I don’t want to deceive you.”
“Deceive me?” I had gotten to the point where the lump in my throat could only permit me to echo some of his words…
“Yes Isi. I could tell you I would be ready in a year, and then when the year is done, I’d postpone it to the next year, and the next. I am not settled in my career, I can’t confidently tell you where I would be in a few years from now. I don’t want to hold you back in anyway. If you were younger than me, it would be a different case, but you are not. You are not exactly young anymore, you cannot be waiting for me.” His words hurt. I had so many replies I could have given, but I knew I was in a heightened emotional state and would probably say something I’d regret. “I don’t know what to say Ola, can I think about it and get back to you? I’ll call you by 7pm tomorrow”. “Okay! Isi, I hope you are not crying…I don’t like it when you are sad”. “No, I am not” I replied with the most confident tone I could muster.
I was too numb to cry. Ola had made his decisions about us without involving me. He did not understand me and he was too hard headed to let me teach him how. Now he was killing us. He was killing us way too soon. I spent the whole night dealing with so many emotions. First I felt a strong surge of loathing. He was the one who insisted on kissing me and taking our friendship to a new level. He was the one who convinced me to let go of the age difference between us as it didn’t mean anything…now he was telling me I was old? He was not ready! Bullshit! The loathing turned to anger, then affection, and finally disappointment. I knew Ola was being honest with me, one of the reasons I liked him so much. No matter how badly I wanted to kick his reasons to the curb, they were true. I was older. He was Yoruba, I was Ibo (I wasn’t even sure if both our families would want that) besides he lived and worked in Abuja. We would have to manage a long distance relationship, it would have been expensive and tasking and knowing Ola, I knew it would drain him psychologically. Being with me would also imply no sex till marriage. It was a lot. He may truly like me, love me even, but he was afraid to take the leap required to be with me…and I couldn’t totally blame him for it. Not everyone is strong enough to hold on to love when the conditions are not convenient or when the actions of person being loved suggest she is unsure of her feelings. If I were in his shoes, I probably wouldn’t have come as far he had. I was already in love with him, but… trusting him was another thing all together. I needed more time, but by his decision, it was apparent he did not have the patience to wait for me to trust him. He was leaving me no choice really. If I told him I wasn’t on board with being just friends, was I willing to be more than just friends if he agreed to it? If we started dating, would I trust him enough not to give him grief over every little thing? So many questions to answer! I needed advice. Ola was my best friend and the only one I had come to trust as regards advice, I couldn’t possibly call him to talk to him about him! I called Ochuko. Ochuko was an old friend from school who always kept it real with me.
“It’s the boomerang effect” Ochuko replied after a long sigh! “Boomerang what? What are you talking about?” I replied a bit confused! “You know the Boomerang principle isn’t it?” he retorted. “Karma…yes….what has it got to do with anything here?” I asked, still puzzled. “It’s very simple Isi, when he loved you, you did not love him back equally, you strung him along for a long time, disregarding his heart, emotions and desires…but now you have realized you love him, it is too late, he is tired and done. Even if he doesn’t want to, he can only disregard your emotions, cos he has nothing left to give…you reap what you sow…it’s just Karma”.
It sounded ridiculous. Ochuko obviously wasn’t making the right conclusion because I did not give him every single detail. Karma did not work that way. It should not work that way. Some people just knew how to make a big deal out of very simple things. Boomerang principle my foot! It was not that serious. Deep inside, I knew there was a bit of truth to it. But it wasn’t the answer I wanted to hear. I closed my eyes and prayed…
I lost track of time watching a show, but I eventually called Ola the next day as I had promised.
“Hi!” His voice was heavy with apprehension. “Hey, my love” I replied. Then silence. “So…you want us to be just friends?” I ask. “Yes, as long as it is okay with you” he responded. “Are you in love with someone else, is there someone else?” I asked with a low voice. “No, there is no one else Isi…do you have someone else?” He sounded alarmed. “Uhm…you’re joking right? Why would I have someone else? You are the one suggesting we go back to being just friends.” we both laugh.
“Okay” I say in a shaky voice. “Okay?” He asks. “Yes. Okay. Let’s do what you want, let’s be friends.”
I could feel some tension leave my body. Praying about it had given me the sensibility and the strength I needed to let go knowing that I may not be perfect, but there is a higher power orchestrating my life, and his plans for me would always come into fruition, no matter how tricky the process was. It wasn’t the easiest thing to do, but it was the right thing to do. I could have told him I would wait for him to be ready, so we could be together, but I would have been shooting myself in the foot. Good things don’t come to those who wait, good things come to two people on the same page that want the same thing with each other and are willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen.Yes. The reality was I still had some issues to sort out. Ola did not give me the time I needed to get over my ex before trying to get with me. Now issues have eventually overwhelmed him and he chose to give up on me. He gave up on me. I shouldn’t have to convince him to stick with me or wait for me. I mean, he did not want me to wait for him either.
We did not talk for the next 2 months. At some point, he had moved back to Abuja. On my little nephew’s birthday, I put up a picture of me on kissing him on the lips on my display picture on WhatsApp and Ola buzzed! “Stop kissing that young man” was the message he sent. I replied “lol”. Two hours later, we were still chatting. It felt like the last three months did not happen…like our last awkward conversation never happened. In the last three months I had missed him and most times wished I had made a little effort towards changing his resolve on us being ‘just friends’. He on the other hand had not contemplated at all. He had a strong resolve, I mean; you wouldn’t expect less from someone who had maintained the same profile picture on his WhatsApp and Twitter for 3 years in a row.
The next 5 months saw series of intermittent outbursts; mostly from me. We were both struggling to be ‘just friends’. He obviously still had feelings for me and so, his signals to me were mixed, they stressed me out, and I took it out on him. I was not ready to be just friends or even anything else to him. I was poison, not just to him but mostly to myself. I hated how I was with him. That was not me. Leaning on him for balance was not going to work anymore. I had to regain balance on my own. Two people have the best chance with each other when they are both whole. I needed time to work through it all and get myself back. I needed to be better for me and maybe him. Problem was, I was not strong enough to take that time I needed. His efforts towards keeping us together, no matter how much I tried to disregard them, made me weak. No matter how mean I was or what awful things I said to him, he would not let me go. The only way was to give him a reason to hurt me. It was a very selfish plan…but is it really selfish when it good for both us? I mean, wasn’t that the same thing he did when he asked us to go back to being just friends?
On his 27th birthday, I sent him a letter, “27 reasons why I love Ola”. At first I thought I wouldn’t make 27, but it turned I could have gone up to 60. I needed to give him factual proof of how I felt about him. Something strong enough to keep the memory of me alive in his head for the time I would have to take …away from him. It had been 1 year since I last saw him, I knew there was a high chance he was seeing someone. My plan was simple. I just needed to make him admit he was seeing someone else and I would have a genuine reason to be heart broken and cut away. A week later, we had the conversation! I pressured him until he gave in.
“Yes Isi, there is someone else. I am seeing someone else”
“Wow. Really? I knew it. Are you in love with her?”
“I am seeing someone Isi, that is all I am going to say for tonight, let’s continue this topic some other time please.”
He had danced to my tune. It was what I had planned, but why did it hurt? I didn’t expect that he would not be attracted to other girls and avoid kissing or sleeping with anyone else… Still, it hurt!
“Ola. No need for another conversation. I am in love with you, I have always been, and nothing will change that…and you cannot pretend you don’t know that. I hope the girl, whoever she is, makes you happy in ways that I can’t” I said with a broken voice.
“Isi, I think you are being a little dramatic about this, you need to chill”
“No. It’s simple Ola. I cannot pretend to be ‘just friends’. God knows we would need to resolve a whole lot of things before we can get back to that point, and it has to be face to face. Until you are ready to make that happen, I will let you be”.
It sounded more like an ultimatum even though that was not the intention, but whatever. Ola just wasn’t the fiery type. I knew he would not take the bait to come claim me or at least salvage our friendship. All I had was the hope that my hasty good bye would not turn out to be a forever goodbye. I may have been stung by the ‘boomerang’, but I’ll be damned if I let it make a ruin of my life…
2 Comments
Really Nice Story…What Comes Around Goes Around!
Wow! a captivating piece, is this the end?